Chapter 28: Ptero/Donnar
It also came to pass that Ptero began to gain some weight from the constant parade of snacks.
Some of the smarter members of the new, non-gaseous lemmings started to complain to the Teenagers, "Donnar Eed is sending you here to be eaten!" for the lemmings felt that G.P. and his main squeeze should have a lemming-only diet.
FLICK went the switch of Donnar Eed's Mighty Vacuum and all the scrubbing bubbles of the Huge World were sucked back up. Out from the bag, Donnar Eed pulled Scrubbing Bubba, a new demi-god. Bubba shone like a newly waxed floor, and if you looked into his chest, you could see yourself.
"Bifr, this is Scrubbing Bubba, he is your secretary. He will organize your life and keep you out of trouble." Donnar Eed gave Bifr a new Lemming Casserole to take to the Overlord of Death and he promptly dropped it. But quicker that light itself, Bubba caught the casserole and placed it back in Bifr's hands. Bifr looked in astonishment as Bubba led him out the door, catching him as he tripped on the welcome mat. Bubba led Bifr over the bridge to Death Land, keeping the casserole in Bifr's hands and preventing him from accidentally destroying all of creation three times over. Bubba and Bifr finally knocked at Death's door.
Ptero sat in his nest atop his Hideaway as his bouncy lemmings pleaded for rescue from the mad culinary schemes of Donnar Eed.
"Brack," he said. "Time to have a talk with this goddess, I guess."
And so the Great Pterodactyl went winging off to the house of Donnar Eed. The lemmings in his tail scales were overjoyed to find themselves on a dangerous trip at last.
In fact, they were so overcome with excitement that as the vast shadow of G.P. passed over Incompetence and his helper on their way to Death's door, one of the lemmings plummeted out of the sky into the lemming casserole! "Wheeee! -splooosh- *fart*" he cried. As a result of the lemming's flatus into the casserole, the dish was rendered really Stanky indeed!
Soon, G.P. arrived at the house of Donnar Eed.
"Brack," he said. "What's this I hear about you baking my lemmings into side dishes? Lemmings must *always* be *main* dishes ... or I guess a lemming meringue pie would be all right."
The lemmings heard of this and there rose up a great wail. "Why do you shun us like this? Why are we to be given as food to those who have no leathery wings? no tails? no silent P?" And many a lemming prayed, "Eat me, O Great Pterodactyl!" Others decided to try praying to Pterri instead, for she did not encourage the outlanders to steal their kin.
Donnar Eed sat across from Ptero at the Kitchen Table with pursed lips nodding sympathetically as she listened intently to his complaint of baking lemmings into side dishes. Lightly tapping Ptero's claw, she said, "I certainly understand, my dear. Perhaps I can make it up to you." Donnar Eed got up and became a blur in the Kitchen as various appliances clicked on and off. She paused briefly and asks, "Ptero, would you like some scrambled e... um, I guess not, never mind." She continued to blur until at last she stopped and placed on the table a huge platter containing roast lemming, lemming croquets, strained lemming sauce, and a diet Coke with a slice of lemming. "Is that better? Please, eat up. And we'll send a dish home with you for that lovely Mrs. Ptero."
As they finished their meal, Donnar Eed, tactfully brought up another point, "Ptero, dear, I was wondering if you could do me a favor? Please stop eating the teens. Oh, I know it was naughty of them to try to do archeological experiments on your eggs. If you could instead just *threaten* to eat them and make sure they have a phone nearby where they can call me for help. I'll come right over and take them away from your eggs and give them a stern lecture. Is that all right with you, sweetie?"
"Brack," Ptero said. "OK. The lemmings were getting upset with me anyway, and teens are too fattening. We can trade -- I'll stop eating your teens, and you can stop eating my lemmings."
While Ptero had been travelling from his Hideaway to the House of Donnar Eed, several of the still floating Lemmings noticed the Great Pterodactyl, with several of their Cousins in his tail Scales. Not recognizing the Surroundings, they decided that it would still be Worthwhile to arrive near him and obtain a ride Home. They arrived at the house of Donnar Eed in Time to hear Ptero's Announcement. In Response to his horrible Pun, most of this Group of Lemmings rolled on the ground moaning, while the Remainder decided to run around Donnar Eed's House and wreak Havoc.
The god Havoc, in his distress, Cried Out, "Stop Wreaking me you stupid obsolete model lemmings!"