Chapter 15: Goron Tries to Bum Them Out
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells overheard that one small lemming and replied in a booming voice, "You bet I'm bugged!" and as if to prove the fact, maggots that exude a most rude odor began to crawl out of his eye sockets.
And to vent his anger, he created his loathsome agents of death. The soon to be feared and all around unpleasant fellows: ******Bummer Bunnies******
He let them loose upon upon the Great World, and they multiplied at the rate of 3.147 x 10^18 power every day.
And any unfortunate teenager who encountered one of the Bummer Bunnies (and of course failed his initiative roll) was bit upon the big toe, and the vile venom caused instant death, but not before the teenager could be heard saying "Bummer!" in a most gnarly way.
Unfortunately, at least for the Bummer Bunnies, the prayers of a charter chapter of the Clot of Incontinence (the followers of Incompetence) misfired and influenced the creation of the original Bummer Bunny. The point being, that the aforementioned instant death occurs to the biting bunny, NOT the intended victim. This DID bum out a few of the previously perky kids, 'cuz, like dude, imagine a rabbit hopping up to you, nibbling on your toe, then keeling over. Many teenagers got extreme cases of hypochondria and squealed, in that annoyingly perky manner, "Bummer! Oh Salk, save me!"
The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells pulled out his 'The Complete Gods Handbook' for he felt he somehow could have avoided this grievous occurrence (Imagine the embarrassment when his loathsome agents of death are themselves killed.)
Thus, he plotted a more subtle plan, and created (at a time when the charter chapter of the Clot of Incontinence is not in session) the first rock group called "The Vomiting Vermin and the Ghouls". He sent them on the Great World Tour to enslave the minds of the impressionable young teenagers. Songs like "Lets go lick a splattered Lemming" and "Bummer Bunnies rotting at my feet" contained numerous subliminal messages telling them that they are actually lemmings, and therefore must jump from really high places.
Salk, seeing yet another profit opportunity, promptly invented the Minor Medical Emergency Clinic, and opened numerous branches, mostly right at the bottom of tall cliffs.
He also declared the number 18 to be mystically perfect, and commanded his followers to have 18 children, own 18 pairs of shoes, tithe 18% of their income [from where? They all made loads of pizza as greenskeepers!], etc.
On the page of 'Complete Gods and Goddesses of the Universe' book where Lord Incompetence had his humble listing (they got his name wrong), there was a picture of Lord Incompetence (his eyes were shut).
He stepped up off the page. "Hey, sorry, lord of death and fouls smells etc. My worshippers didn't mean anything by it. I personally thought the bummer bunny idea was really hot. What can I do to make it up to ya?"
The Great Pterodactyl sat on his hideaway, unhappy that his world had been reduced to one land in someone else's world. Though this Donnar Eed had put a stop to the AGAR AGAR foolishness ...