Chapter 11: Ordinary Household Hecate?
The Light tried to pierce the depths of the Muddy Waters but just getting two feet down, failed miserably. Out of this momentous struggle came a voice, a powerful voice, a majestic voice, a voice that slightly whined, "THIS WILL NEVER DO!!"
The surface of the water started to bubble and to the surface came a behemoth clam shell which raced to the shore slowly opening. Inside, was a creature of beauty. A goddess of great presence. A goddess of Prim Efficiency. Riding on the half shell, was Donnar Eed. Dressed in a printed house dress with high heels and pearls and a lovely coiffed hairdo. Resting in her hand was the handle of a vacuum cleaner.
Taking her mighty Vacuum of Might, she declared, "all this Light -and no Light Source, tsk, tsk tsk". She switched on the Vacuum of Might and held it up in the air. The VM sucked up all the Light and there was complete darkness. Donnar Eed opened the bag of the VM, reached in and threw out a Giant Sun. There was light *and* darkness now.
She sucked up the Muddy Water, and out of the bag came Pure Water flowing back into the giant basin. She sucked up all the flattened lemmings and out came a Giant Lemming who went looking for a *very deep* pit to jump into. She sucked up all the world she was standing on plus all the other duplicate worlds, and out came Giant World, one huge world with one huge sun. On Giant World were many continents separated by the Pure Water. And these were some of the continents: Pterodactyl Land (with lots of newspaper spread out around his nest); Lemming Land (with lots of deep pits lined with trampolines; Pizza Land (which delivers); AGAR AGAR land (filled with many Town Halls and City Government Buildings with many forms and applications to fill out by hand manually); Disease Land (just waiting for a lemming to jump in one of its pits filled with rusty nails); and, Salk Land (exporting pills to lemmings with rusty nail wounds).
All the mortals felt an uneasiness , the basis for which they knew not. It was not that Donnar Eed was entirely of black and white and shades of grey -- it was something they could not identify..
[Unbeknown to our studio audience, it was because they had no gender, so they had no basis to respond properly to a series of sentences which began "She su..."]
Looking at the inventory of Lands, one small lemming wondered, "Hey, If I were the Overlord of Death, I might get a bit bugged at not having my own land. But hey, I'm not, so let's go fall off something RILLY big!"
The most beautiful Land of them all was Donnar Eed Land. There, there were birds singing, but no one saw them winging. There were bells ringing but no one ever heard them at all, till there was Donnar Eed. Then, so that Donnar Eed had something else to do, she created millions of creatures who would create messes and do stupid things and get into trouble so that she could clean up after them and solve their problems. She called these creatures -- Teenagers! She then baked 2 million cream pies.
One especially frisky beft named Pinky shouted "FOOD FIGHT!"
And the local AGAR AGAR looked upon Donnar Eed's millions of teenagers, and 2 million cream pies, and said " Now this is my kind of DEITY!!!", but created another 1/2 dozen one worlds just in case something went wrong with the first one, but that also multiplied the number of beings on the Quest for the Copy Protection Scheme.
To AGAR AGAR, Donnar Eed said in a compelling maternal voice, "Oh, no you don't Mister, Mister! You have a nice Land of your own in which to duplicate things, but if it'll make you happy and joyous, I'll give you two Lands." So she then sucked up the extra worlds AGAR AGAR had just created and incorporated them into a new continent of the Giant World. This new continent she named AGAR AGAR Land (not to be confused with AGAR AGAR Land).
Another lemming (not the one wondering about the lack of a DeathLand) piped up: "Maybe Salk can produce a Pill to suppress AGAR AGAR's reproduction!" But he got hit by a falling triple-cheese pizza and the thought flew from his tiny mind.