Chapter 10: Look Who's Salking

And seeing the possibility of profit, the soon-to-be-great god SALK, deity of healing, conqueror of disease, stayer of death, and frequently prolonger of misery and charger of large fees, appeared, seemingly from nowhere but probably in fact from a good med school back east (relative to the Creator, that is). Needless to say, this irritated a lot of gods. Salk couldn't do much for the lemmings, but seeing as how they were now pretty much back to just bouncing again, he prescribed some little pills called quaaludes (which he promptly invented) for any pain they might be experiencing.

Now a few lemmings discovered that, thanks to Salk's little pills, they no longer needed to find something tall in order to fall over.

As there was not much in the way of negotiable currency in this universe as yet, Salk began to charge large and gratuitous sums of pizza for his planet-calls. With the proceeds, he created his own planet, which he called Links, covered its surface with little holes and well-mowed grassy areas, and decreed that its inhabitants should knock around small round white objects with sticks for no apparent reason. He also invented the term "up to par," but was not quite certain yet what it meant.

But there were those with power over Salk, namely those who controlled the production of plaid pantaloons. And Salk had his expenses -- for instance, imagine how much a groundskeeper charges when the possibility exists of getting hit by a plummeting lemming..

The Great Pterodactyl, sensing the arrival of yet another god, but not one that would try to mess up his beautiful Pteroworld and require devouring, decided to say hello.

"Brack," he said. "Hello. Watch out for that Agar Agar fellow. He'll steal your Links world and make infinite copies of it. We really should invent some copy protection software. Brack. Maybe we could dig up a god of computers somewhere."

With this, the Quest for the Copy Protection Scheme was born. Leaflets went forth, but fewer than would be optimal, for each was hand, paw or claw written. The lack of an alphabet also hindered Things.