Chapter 9: Death Wish (Negative Seven)

Thus, The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells made his way to these messy places, and commanded the lemmings who were still alive to build temples constructed of the now dead lemmings, so that their festering bodies may please him. The Overlord sniffed, and it was good.

Upon hearing of this, the people of the world Fwadot, which was closest to the Big Sticky, started to mutter to each other things like:

"Hey, this universe is one big hunka nothing but depressing pains, with nothing to expect but pizza and lemmings plummeting from above. Maybe Death would make a nice change."

The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells heard the pleas of the people of Fwadot, and forced them to stand on their heads until their heads exploded. Once this was done, he gathered the lifeless bodies and made himself some Fwadot Herbal Tea.

The Great Pterodactyl was not pleased.

Someone had defiled his world, causing his pterofied lemmings to splat nastily instead of bouncing pleasantly. On top of that, the poor lemmings were now gathering the remains into smelly temples.

"Brack," the Great Pterodactyl said. "Stop that."

And the lemmings did, and once more they bounced instead of splatted, at least on the Pteroworld. When they flew off to other worlds, they risked splatting, but splatting, squishing and all other gooey forms of death were forevermore banned from the Pteroworld.

And a small percentage of people of the worlds of AGAR AGAR heard of this and went "Hmmmmm..." and devoutly wished for the invention of travel agents. Then, just as things began looking up, the redundant copies of Agar Agar arrived, complete with instructions.

"Brack Brack," said said the the Great Great Pterodactyl Pterodactyl. "This This is is stupid stupid."

So he ate the Agar Agars.

"Brack," he said. <urp>

And this, in combination with his effort to wipe out redundancies, gave rise to the term "Nutrient Agar"..

And the other half dozen AGAR AGARS on the world that had provided the model for the thousands of G.P. worlds spoke to each other in dodecastereo and said: "my but redundancy is good, if it weren't for the goodness of redundancy, that Great Pterodactyl would have messed up our plans. As it is, owing to the goodness that is redundancy, we are still here to plague the G.P. But AGAR AGAR spared the Great Pterodactyl any additional plagues, preferring to train the lemmings in the art of dentistry. And in order to ensure the preservation of the splatting type of lemmings, AGAR AGAR mystically transported splatting lemmings to a good third of his worlds. Then AGAR AGAR in the AGregate sat down where he was to watch the next moves of the other gods.

Seeing that the lemmings were no longer splatting, and also no longer making the gloriously smelly temples, The Overlord of Death, Putrefied Remains and Generally Nasty Smells decided it was time for him to make a world of his own. But before he departed the Great Pterodactyl world, he caused the lemmings to spew forth noxious gases every time they bounced, maintaining the Status Quo (at least as far as nasty smells went).

And the Firmament was given Pause as the image of Flatulent, Bouncing Lemmings usurped its very Mind for nigh unto several minutes...

The Overlord's new world came into being with very unpleasant stenches and squishy noises to match. At that time though, the AGAR AGAR's locust dentists arrived. Liking his rotting, putrid teeth just fine the way they were, he killed them, and littered their putrefied remains about his world, forming the landscape of his world upon a sea of vile zombie juice.

He then brought forth zombies from the zombie juice sea, and populated his world with them. He called his new worshipers bureaucrats, for they were the dead of the dead.